Deserving

What started off as a regular Friday ended up being anything but regular. Today, I got laid-off. Well, kind of. You see, I’ve been an intern at this company for almost two years (yep, you read that right.) It was more of contract work really, and even though I only worked three times a week, it felt nice to have a job. Now, however, I’m living the nightmare that I dreaded while in college: an unemployed college grad with no job lined up. I feel so useless right now, but I keep remembering the promise that I made at the beginning of the year. I promised that I wouldn’t be hard on myself and that I’d start practicing positive thinking.

I will admit that I grew up thinking very little of myself. It didn’t help that I came across men who’d tell me that I should worry more about learning how to cook and clean in order to please my future husband. What about going to school? Or reading more? Or aspiring to travel? What about loving myself?

I want to love myself, I really do. Some days it’s hard because the discouraging voices in my head are so loud that I give up and start feeling depressed and unsatisfied with my life. I figure, however, that if I keep trying to make the best of situations, no matter how hard, I’ll eventually figure something out about myself that will make me who I want to be – happy. I encourage you to be kinder to yourself because you deserve kindness. To accept that sometimes it’s ok to not have things under control, or to be where you want to be.

I’m sad that I lost my job, but I’m also excited because it means that I’m now bound to end up where I want to be. I accept that the path to get there may be rough, but I also accept that the roughness can make me strong. It’s true: sometimes the things you want the most are the things you have to work the hardest for.